i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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