Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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