The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize