Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
