Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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