somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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