if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
