It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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