And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
