the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize