I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
