worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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