she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
