508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
