my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
