we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
