There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
