Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
