I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
