I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize