jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
