So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
