u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
