Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize