if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
