But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
