Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
