how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
