moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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