there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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