my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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