Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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