You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
