alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
