she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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