just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
