Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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