If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
