If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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