dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
