Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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