Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
