I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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