The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am available for nakedness
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
