we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh god it's open bar.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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