oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
