I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
