this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
