Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
