Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
