Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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