Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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