dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
