Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
