It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize