Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
its liver damage thursday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
