I smell stomach acid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
