and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
