I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
