I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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