He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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