How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
50% drunk capacity currently
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
