Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
