I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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