The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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