dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
