i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize