we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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