I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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