omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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