Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
