Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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