My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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