u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize