mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
